Jokes

What's white and goes up?
A stupid snowflake.

How did the banana get out of jail?
On a peel.

What does a ghost get when he blows his nose?
Boo-gers.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.

What's brown, sugar-coated and runs around holding its side?
A ginger bread man with appendicitis.

What's brown and hides in a Bell Tower?
The Lunch Bag of Notre Dame.

What's red, carries a sack of toys and falls down the chimney?
Santa Klutz.

Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
He wanted to make up for a lousy summer.

What is the proper name for shiska-bob?
Shiska-Robert.

What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing. It just let out a little wine.

What crawls and goes Ding Dong?
A wounded Avon Lady.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.

How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.

Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code.

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the Juggler.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost y electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, "dam."

What goes dot-dit-dash-dash-squeak-squeak?
A message in mouse code.

What do you give a sick bird?
Tweetment.

Where does a bird go when it loses its tail?
The re-tail store.

Where do kings keep their armies?
Up their sleevies.

What do you get when you cross a skunk with a vegetable?
Smellery.

Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.

What happened to the frog's car when it was illegaly parked?
It got toad.

Where does a sick ship go?
To the dock.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick!

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.

A man tried to get into a very exclusive club but he was told that he couldn't come in without a tie. After rummaging through his car all he could find was a set of jumper cables, so he put them around his neck and went back to the club. As he tried to re-enter, the doorman said, “I’ll let you in but don’t try to start anything!”